We have had power and internet issues for the last 6 days..argh! I am posting from a friend’s house who let me not only come over and steal internet but allowed Evy to completely destroy her clean floors with her cookie eating rampage while I used the computer- she gets Rockstar award! So much has happened in the last few days but I just wanted any Bibi-type worriers out there to know the reason for my silence, that we are alive, and will catch up soon. Finally posting something I wrote last Friday….
Some of my fav things…..
time alone with J…
Jason and I took advantage of a cancelled meeting this past Friday to steal away for an hour and a half to a coffee shop in town. Evy was taking her morning nap (and our house helper was home) so we escaped and headed into town on Jason’s piki piki. I sat side saddle behind Jason as we rode in. Just the 2 of us. Sorta made me forget I usually travel with diapers and sippy cups. Because of an insane morning at the vocational school (we are accepting applications and doing interviews for the next round of English, computer, and typing classes) Jason was already exhausted. But we are trying to get away more to recharge and connect, even if that means a 1 hour respite.
As J and I sipped our coffee and watched granola looking tourists order cappuccinos we caught up. Some days it feels like life is happening too quickly around us to process everything. That we just cross paths amidst the busyness of life. Life with small children is part of it to be sure as it does not afford couples much time to just talk and really connect. That is no excuse and we have felt the pain of choosing not to make time and so we are really making it a priority to take time out from the chaos of our house, our work , and the what seems like endless pressing concerns that require our immediate attention to just be together. Even if that means an hour and a half coffee date. We need time to ask the questions like…..
How are you?…no really? What are your hearing from God? What are you struggling with? What completely sucks right now? How can we help each other more? What is bringing you joy? What are you excited about?
We exchanged stories and finally got the full digs on things that had happened this week but most importantly we listened to each other. We shared together and it was renewing. Moments like this remind me of that girl I was when we first met and how I never wanted J to stop talking or leave. I loved hearing how he saw the world, his passions, and what he wanted in the future.
It was good: The coffee and my date. Excitement built as we shared and were completely awed and humbled by what we have seen God do and what He is doing. It almost feels like we snuck in to some high class event and even though we are complete dorks we are getting to be “in on” privileged happenings. As we shared more and more we realized there seems to not only be many similarities but a real vision emerging. Fuzzy for sure but no doubt He is in it. These similarities are always a clue for us that He is at work since in our natural tendencies usually have us approaching things from completely different directions (something that always makes marriage interesting:). We also know this because we had no neatly organized plans for this. And thus we cannot take any credit for any of it. We reflected about all the small “yes’s” that got us to this place. All the timid, shaky steps we took even when fear and doubt filled us. All the moments we were unsure about everything but despite ourselves still clung to His promises. We still believed we had to follow; however lacking our exuberance, and STILL He has been so faithful. Our lives have been changed. And blessed. Eternity has been impacted. The lives of people here have been blessed. Not by us but by Him. But we have gotten to see it. And we are continuing to see it. We can attest to His working. His goodness. And that His plans are good. We are filled with a sense of peace; even on the many days we struggle to find a balance and on the days we miss home so much we weep. We have peace that we are exactly where we are supposed to be. Both of us. Our family. And that is an Amazing Gift. We sense some big things emerging and some hardship as well but we also know we do not need to figure it out or to know what comes next. We just need to keep taking those small steps that transform us. Learning to rely of Him, to listen to His spirit, and to keep our eyes wide open to what is next….
On Sunday we sang songs and had “church” as a family like we always do and we sang a kid’s version of a song that I do not even know the title of but some of the words go like this “in over my head I wanna be, caught in the rush, lost in the flow, in over my head I wanna go…the river’s water is alive so sink or swim I’m diving in” My heart felt warm that I really could sing that and mean it. I am completely over my head but that is where I want to be. Where I want us to be. Where I know He is working and I can take no credit for it. I just wanted to encourage anyone out there reading this who has a still small voice, a nudge, an itch from Him. Say “YES” or if you are like me and cannot muster that just say “yes.” And then jump in. If what He says is true we cannot help but be changed. We definitely cannot remain the same. It is Radical stuff. Don’t be self-reliant. Seek empowerment, obedience, and boldness. Go, be, wait, and watch. That is where I am (and pray I have the courage and trust to stay) and the adventure is so worth it.