We should leave the hospital today but a few things running through my brain before we head home.
Abishai is handsome and sweet and I can’t stop smelling his head. I’m completely in love with my little man.

The pushing part of labor was way harder than I remembered it…yikes! Seriously, if the doctor said, “just one more big push” once more he was in danger of having my foot embedded in his chin. Having a baby is hard core and exhausting. And Jason was awesome and supportive and loving and he is driving here now with my favorite latte. These last months were profoundly difficult for him too and he looked over at me yesterday and we both started tearing up when he said “you are smiling again…you are back.” I don’t deserve him but am thankful we are in this together.

The hospital is amazing (when you are not here for IV therapy) and I want to live here fo’ evs.  The people who invented crotch ice packs and lanolin nipple cream (let’s be honest they must have been women) should be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize and the nurses who bring you more crotch ice packs and take your newborn to the nursery for 3 hour stretches at night so you can sleep should get paid 1 billion dollars a year.

Food is not over rated people.  It is good. So I apologize in advance for all my friends on Instagram who might see excessive pictures of food, me smelling food, me eating food, me celebrating eating said food in the near future.  Turning on lights and walking without needing to grip something to steady yourself is awesome.  I no longer feel like I stepped off a roller coaster and although my girly bits are wrecked I finally feel like me!! I feel normal again for the first time since February and I start crying multiple times a day because I am no….longer….sick. Health is a miracle that I do not take for granted. God’s physical healing came later than I prayed for but I trust His timing and His healing emotionally and spiritually is so active through this all.  I know He was with me through all this and feel held in His arms as I snuggle this little one.

Having friends and family visit, send flowers, bring pumpkin spice lattes, send messages, bring guacamole and margaritas, and drop by Thai food, and pray with us reminds and humbles me with God’s goodness to our family. We are thankful for you. It took a village to keep me pregnant and we know it will take community to raise this little boy as well.  We are profoundly grateful for our tribe, our peoples.  You know who you are.
Seeing the girls’ reaction to meeting their brother was pretty amazing. They are in love (but because I am a realist I know the pummeling will come later).  And although the 2 hours we spent as a family of 5 yesterday was overwhelming I am excited to begin this new part of our journey together. Good stuff y’all.
Random thoughts, grateful hearts, and a few pictures.

  1. Anonymous says:

    Congratulations Roxanne & Jason! We are very excited for you and Abishai looks just darling! I'm so glad you're feeling better, Roxanne. What a wonderful gift and I know you will soak it up! We'll be praying for your adjustment to a family of 5! We do love it! Love, Julie & Daniel and the girls

  2. Anonymous says:

    He is just soooo sweet. Congrats, sweet family!!! So glad you are feeling like YOU again!! Love you.

  3. Anonymous says:

    I totally just checked your blog so I could ask, “Can you EAT? Is food AWESOME?” I'm so glad that you are feeling like yourself again, and I'm thrilled that Abishai is doing so well. He's adorable – and the 5 of you look exactly right all together.

  4. Anonymous says:

    I am just so thrilled and happy for you and praising God for this beautiful end to your suffering. I cannot WAIT to get my hands on that sweet boy! We are so blessed – our amazing grand kids just make our lives so rich! Looking forward to our time with you in a couple of weeks!

  5. Anonymous says:

    Oh, boy, is he adorable! I just love the top photo of him with his eyes open. What a sweetheart. Celebrating health and new life with you!!! Hugs to your family!

  6. Anonymous says:

    Thanks for being my “peoples” too. So delighted for the newest addition to the lovely, crazy Engstrom family!