I love this picture of my oldest. And it seemed appropriate for us today.  We are hanging in. It has been a while folks.  Mostly because I am still struggling to get through each day and do not have much new to report.  I wish I could say things are drastically different but I am learning to appreciate small victories like going to Target or drinking more than a few ounces.  I ventured to church next door yesterday and sat in the back row with the girls and cried under my sunglasses through worship.  It was good to do something more “normal” but it is also hard because many friends ask “so, you are feeling better?” to which I want to break down and sob and reply “not really, I am so exhausted from being sick” but mostly I nodded and smiled and said “we are hanging in.” And we are.
Overall, I am so much better mentally and a bit physically. Getting dizzy, blacking out, and falling down the stairs last night being an exception to the doing better part but it was a new adventure in HG for sure.  My back is wicked sore but I am ok and now have to ask for help on stairs (add to the list of things I cannot do myself).  The fluids are helping and not being dehydrated everyday helps with sanity more than I imagined  so while I have a love/hate with the catheter in my arm it is more love because I know from last time the craziness of dehydration.  I am going on my forth week of having the central line in and having home health care (the folder they gave us the first day they came also says hospice across the front which makes us laugh cuz that is how I felt for a while :).  I love my nurse Chris and Jason continues to be a rock star giving me my IV’s and meds although he might be getting a little cocky about his mad nursing skills. And even Evy flushed my line this week with Nurse Papa teaching her!
The girls have been home with us and I love having them here although I could never do it without the amazing support from near and far we are getting from family and friends.  Right now I may be dry heaving in front of the TV but my girls are running amok at the park with a dear friend on this beautiful day.  The body of Christ is seriously amazing. My mom is awesome and has come out every week to help (even braving sleeping with Miss Evy kicking her in the back all night) and Bibi and Babu Engstrom treated the girls to a special week in Cedar Rapids spent living it up with their cousins. Sure beats last time around when Anni spent everyday under a mosquito net watching The Little Mermaid with me.  We could not do this without all the help and sacrifice from you all.  Thank you for everyone who has prayed, sent a card or package, emailed, brought food by, loved on the girls. We are grateful and blessed and even in a difficult time we are trying to embrace all that this means even if we are still counting down the days ’til it is over.
Hanging in,

  1. Anonymous says:

    Oh, honey, I'm so sorry you fell down the stairs. I hope you didn't really hurt your back like I did. Let me know when you need me again. We have theatre tickets Th night, and are planning on going to the lake after work Sat. thru Monday. We could take the girls with us if you'd like some quite time this weekend. Let me know. Love, Mom

  2. Anonymous says:

    Thanks for your little update and thanks for all your updates on FB 🙂 You and the whole family is in our prayers and we think of you a lot… and I also question a lot, how we made it through this the last time without home health care and family. You have now so much more help and way better health care and I pray, that there will be days in this pregnancy, when it fells like you really can enjoy it. May God heal you – especially all the wounds from the last pregnancy with Evy, all your fears, all the depression and awkwardness…Love you, sister!