Like many woman I usually pride myself on my ability to multi- task- just ask my hubby. When he gets home from work some days I tell him of our escapades during the day. It goes something like this…..
Jason “so, what did you and Anni do today?”
Me “Well, we threw in some laundry while cleaning the kitchen, then Anni played while I put away toys and reorganized and sorted her clothes, typed up some lessons for my History Museum meeting, answered emails, went for a walk to Devon market to pick up some groceries while catching up with friends via cell phone, all the while making dinner and standing on my head” (Ok, i made up that last part)
But I usually love getting things done, you know that feeling of crossing things off your list. Today i had a realization, not a new one, just a reoccurring one that I have had from time to time. An important lesson God teaches me again and again (I am a slow learner). It is not what I do that makes me important or successful but rather who I am. I think my desire to achieve can be a good thing but for me sometimes it gets in the way of just taking in the big and small blessings of life and appreciating the grace God gives me each day. That verse “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10)came to mind because in the midst of mommy-hood it seems there are infrequent opportunities to be still. It reminded me that while there are things I need to do, there are many things only God can do in my life and I need not try to earn my worth with my business.
Oswald Chambers said “We are in danger of forgetting that we cannot do what God does, and that God will not do what we can do. We cannot save ourselves or sanctify ourselves, God does that; but God will not give us good habits, He will not give us character.”
Today, even if just for a few moments I built character in being a mother.
Usually when I put Annikah down for a nap I rock her for a few minutes, promptly put her down and go about my race to get things done while she snoozes. But today I just held her in our rocker and smelled her head. It is the sweetest smell ever. Her little chubby hands gripped my hair and I listened to her little breathing noises. I felt blessed that I am her mama and she doesn’t care how much I get done today. We don’t have a homemade dinner tonight and email can wait. I savored these moments.
It’s funny…I think about this sometimes. When Gillian was in the NICU and got a blood infection (had two transfusions-we were SICK with worry), a friend had sent out an email for our friends to pray for her. One friend emailed me to tell us he was thinking of us and that in spite of this challenge, we should not lose sight of God’s grace. My response to him was that I see God’s grace every time I look at her. It’s a rare day that I don’t get struck at a random moment with grateful tears for the greatest blessing of my life. Motherhood is intense and intensely beautiful and moments like you had today are so precious!
I spent the day yesterday with you and Anni, and the greatest of God’s gifts and example of His Grace is watching your daughter love your granddaughter! I too held that little miracle and was awed by her perfection just as I had so many years before when I held her mother. I think a Mom’s best time is nursing her little one late at night when the rest of the world is asleep, and only you, your angel and God are there to share the moment! Grammy Rohrback