I just close my eyes, breathe in the salt water, and after a while I feel its grit on my face.
My camera could never capture the real wonders of the sunset or the night sky. Not even close but that is ok because it was meant for me that night.
Being mesmerized by the stars, a flower perfect in shape and bleeding color, or a glowing sunset escaping off the side of the earth. These are gifts. I am quiet for the first time in a while and my best friend beside me says “How could anyone say this was just a mistake or a happy accident?” I loved him a little more for saying that. Creation’s beauty moving hearts to more complete worship of the Creator. Magnificent. It was almost like I was a child again overcome by the amazing beauty of it all. Like the night we let Anni stay up way too late to appease her fascination with “seeing the stars” and she let out a gasp when she looked up into the blackness freckled with balls of fire. And to know that they all have names.
How can we deny His glory? Or worse forget it over and over again? We allow ourselves to be memorized by the sunset and the stars and the however dirty and dusty moments of everyday. We have no where to go, nothing to do for the moment because we have carved out that time. I forgot that in this place exists calm from the chaos and silence if only I search it out.
I have time for my Creator. Time for my soul. Time for my lover. I made that time and shame on me for not making room everyday in every moment. I could finish an entire thought without interruption. Silence and space and starry nights are gifts of great magnitude not fully realized in their weight until sacrificed for, until grasped, and taken in and savoured.
But in those same moments I realized I do not live the rest of my life for these “get away” moments. I don’t tolerate the rest for this. I would never trade my right now. I only need His Grace to live more fully in it every moment. Images of Evy’s chubby little hands grabbing the table and bobbing up and down to music, Anni bursting with pride for finally mastering the art of palm branches swinging (which has made her neighborhood street cred go way up by the way), siting with friends, talking and sharing, even endless dirty dishes, dirtier feet, and sweat dripping. It is all really living. Sacred. But admittedly easy to write as I sit listening to the sounds of waves thrusting themselves against jagged coral rock and not much else. As soon as I return to the noise and never ending needs and demands for me what will I choose? I don’t want to spend the so limited time I have here on this earth looking forward or looking back. I too often believe the enemy’s lie “things will be better when…” And why am I so easy to fall to it. Like Eve believing the serpent I am easily swayed.
“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us” -J.R.R. Tolkien
No, I will live in abundant joy here. In this space. In this moment and those that follow. But I need to practice. It is not easy for me. I have a short memory of His goodness and a long wish list. Discontentment slithers in and finds it easy to remain in my heart. But then it is I who miss the Beauty. I come back to this again and again but it is because I am prone to wander just like the Israelites who saw the sea split and their enemies swallowed up and praised God saying “with your unfailing love you lead the people you have redeemed….The Lord is my strength and my song; He has given me victory!” and then when things did not look so magnificent just a little while later started to complain and forget and grumble. How often do I forget what He has done? What He is doing?
I don’t need more. I just need to open my eyes more to what is. That is really the living in Abundant Joy. In Gratitude. The beginning of seeing the Immeasurably More in really living in my reality.