Even though you are surrounded by people it is possible to feel lonely. Today that is me.

Over the past week we have been spending a lot of time with people here which has been great but exhausting as well. Especially since the “terrible twos” have decided to reside at our home and show no signs of leaving. I can only describe this phenomenon as everything said terrible two-er wants I don’t have or cannot provide quick enough and everything I request of her is apparently akin to torture. Then 30 seconds later the reverse is true and the game changes; she wants whatever was offered and despised a minute ago. We are tired. It makes it more difficult to deal with when we are surrounded by people. Everyone here is so kind to her but they also treat her like an angel even when she is behaving terribly and it is difficult for us to maintain our version of discipline. And Miss A has figured that out. I keep reminding myself this is why we are here; to learn about the culture, spend time with people, to work on the school, live and work with everyone God brings across our path. And most days we do love it but today I am just at a place of weariness. This past week has been nuts. We were welcomed into homes, fed, and fed again, invited to parties, had people over, visited a village, and spent time with neighbors. But even with all the interaction I feel a bit lonely right now. It could be PMS, or a combo of that and my homesickness at the moment but it is just the way I feel, the space I am occupying right now.

I miss home. I miss all things familiar. I miss my family. I miss my girlfriends. I miss my Mama friends. I miss calling them up and being understood and listening and talking and venting and laughing and spending time together. I would not trade this experience for our family for anything but at least for today I just miss being me in the context of home.

  1. Anonymous says:

    I hear you, and am just surprised that you haven’t had MORE entries akin to this one on your blog. You and Jason have been amazingly strong – I’m sure I would have been on a plane back home months ago when everyone was so sick . . . Just know that each and every one of your friends and family would love, too, to be able to chat on the phone, have coffee with you, and just spend time with you. And Anni has two grandmas that would LOVE to give you a break . . . May these feelings soon pass. Hang in there with your parenting strategies – it will pay off!

  2. Anonymous says:

    we miss you, too. i can’t imagine the ups and downs you must go through everyday. god is using you in the lives’ of these people… be encouraged and know that you are loved!!

  3. Anonymous says:

    I can understand you so much, because I feel this way very often.

  4. Anonymous says:

    I don’t know how you have been able to handle everything you do everyday. I’m worried about being able to survive the heat for 10 days. I got up this morning and realized, that in two months I will have already been there and home again. Although I can’t wait to see you all and hug you and Anni, I was sad, because in two months I’ll be home again, and then I’ll have to wait a year or more till you finally come home, which made me sad. I so wish I could bring you home with us. Even though I am learning from you everyday, and blessed to see the world through your eyes, I want to have you and Anni close to me again. I just spent the weekend with Katy for Mom’s weekend, and she too is growing up to be such a great lady, and even though we had a great time, I feel that soon she too will be gone from my home.(she’s staying at school this summer). I’m not good at this empty nest thing. I like my flock at home where I can see them and protect them, and love them!!!!!

  5. Anonymous says:

    Your mama friends miss you, too. You are doing something so amazing, right where God has placed you, but I can understand the need to be understood in your “heart language.” I’ll be lifting up some prayers for you, my friend. Love you!

  6. Anonymous says:

    just sending love, miss roxanne. you know on that kids cd i sent, that song about crying? “it’s alright to feel things/though the feelings may be strange.” i think that’s very true. having and EXPRESSING sad and ambivalent feelings in NO WAY means you don’t have the strength or the good humor to persevere and find happiness. expressing even the sad feelings makes you more whole in the long run. you are a good one, roxanne! we send you MUCH MUCH LOVE!!!

  7. Anonymous says:

    I understand what you're feeling and you're totally in that time in the first year of being away where you feel like this. Of course I don't have a 2 yr old, but I got to witness it with Andrea and Callum during his tantrums and could see her frustration as he would come home with a sticky face from a friend's house and know that he just had a whole bottle of Fanta before dinner and then wouldn't want to eat– and how to discipline him when nobody there disciplines their children until they're like 10 yrs old. I think M MOPS moms need a blog network for each other.So anyway, all that in saying that you are champ. Tae Bao out those frustrations girl, and you can do it! I'm praying for you! <3 M

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