In my almost 2 weeks without Jason I have discovered more than just that I LOVE sleeping in the whole bed with all the pillows!! Here is a brief list…
*I am more capable than I thought of handling the day to day with Annikah, we even got into our own groove and rhythm.
*I love rocking her to sleep, since putting Anni to bed is usually Jason’s gig I have enjoyed these quiet precious moments with her.
*Being sick makes you always want your Mommy (and lucky for me mine showed up with her superhero cape and whisked Anni away for a long lakefront nap so I could sleep)
*I can actually take out the trash myself (but do not think this will continue once Jason is back as king of the castle š
*Not having to make dinner or get things done around the house gives me extra time to catch up with girlfriends, have lunch, go for walks, and even (gasp!) take a nap!
*Watching trash TV like Grey’s is way more fun with a gal pal to discuss the finer points of fictitious and ridiculous people’s lives.
*No one except Jason likes to hear a 20 minute oration about the incredibly adorable way Anni eats a cracker and impressive way she drinks from her sippy cup
*We have a fabulous and caring network of friends & family that checked in, called, sent cards, visited, had us over, and hung out with us. I recognize this as a true blessing- Thanks to all!
*I appreciate not only the huge contribution Jason makes to our family like being a financial provider, a protector, a confidant, a friend, a great listener, a fun Papa, etc but also the seemingly little things like opening and sorting all the mail (sorry about the huge pile in advance- I only do cute envelopes:)), taking care of our bills, and other things I often take for granted. As much as I sometimes complain I really do like our division of labor and the way “we work” together.
*I compromise a lot in my marriage (not about monumental things mind you but mostly about what to do, eat, watch, spend time and money on, etc). I am by no means complaining here (lest you hear the violin music in the background) because I have an amazing partner but rather just acknowledging that after 6 years or marriage the compromise feels so normal, so familiar, so natural, so who we are. This is what marriage is about and one reason I consider ours to be a good marriage but with time alone I realized that I do need time to be me, not to ask myself what should “we” do but rather what do I want to do to feed who I am. Sort of like the difference between self determination and true democracy, I prefer to shift between the two. Hey, maybe I should even write my own
14 Points (Woodrow Wilson would be so proud).
*That I like quiet more than I did a few years ago. I have always considered myself a screaming
extrovert (the thought of being alone every night for even a week would have killed me 5 years ago) but these past two weeks I was happy to just be alone and even be quiet. After Annikah went to bed several nights I enjoyed being with me. I am hoping for more of this time because I know with quiet reflection God often speaks to encourage and challenge my heart. I read last night in Isiah 30
“In your quietness and confidence is your strength”
I am praying for more.
Soon Katy will be off to school, and we will be empty-nesters. What I have learned is that in trying to be everything to a husband and three children, a woman often loses herself, her goals for herself, her dreams… I don’t know if I would even know myself at 25 anymore. What was that woman thinking, or wishing?..I do know that my wonderful children and now grandchild are the center of my life. I can’t even imagine life without living my through them. Now I will have to try to find myself again, and be a person they find interesting also. As Anni grows, you will wonder why the time flys by, and be totally oblivious to what the rest of the world is doing, because she will be at the center of it, and all things are seen through her eyes. Just try not to lose yourself as much as I did. Be strong for you! Run that marathon, teach again, do drama again, because you are so creative, and the world needs you as well as Anni in it. And let Jason take out the garbage:-), support you, protect you both, and you’ll all be fine.