For 40+ years of my life I thought my time on the struggle bus with focus, organization, and time management just were confirmation I was a mess of a human.
I was always creative, full of ideas, told I was “too much,” and deeply passionate, but I also wrestled with procrastination, forgetfulness, and the feeling that my brain never quite operated the way it should. I definitely have always had an intensity and been allergic to BS. I still struggle with being late for everything not business related.
Then last year —while momin’, running my own business, and getting real about my MS and what self care really looks like—I was diagnosed with ADHD.
And BAM it was a shock AND so much made sense. When you know yourself more you can trust your decisions more and I want to share this journey in real time in the hopes it can help you too.
Tips that are helping me plus resources for you below!
And it also made sense why I was mid-life before I was diagnosed. Symptoms like hyperactivity and impulsiveness in men and boys are sometimes easier to see thus more boys and men are diagnosed. I was always “a lot” but because I did well in school I think my struggles were overlooked. As I have learned more over the past year I was shocked how little research has been done regarding ADHD in women. Many typical ADHD symptoms, even those more prevalent in women, are more socially acceptable in men and boys.
Women therefore work hard to suppress, hide, or overcome their symptoms. Women often learn to hide or mask symptoms and develop coping skills to function. One of those coping strategies can be over performing- this was a HUGE light bulb for me! I think because I learned to cope and mask and frankly use humor to deflect others from seeing some of the things I was struggling with I was able to achieve and do well in life. But I also was suffering in real ways because I always felt less than or – let’s be real- I feel stupid because certain things that seemed easier for others felt impossible for me (like remembering where I parked my car in a parking garage- more on this later).
“It is like having the brain of a Ferrari with bicycle brakes”
I feel this quote deeply.
What I’ve Learned About Myself & ADHD as an Entrepreneur:
1. I’m Not Crazy—My Brain Just Works Differently
ADHD isn’t about a lack of effort; it’s about how my brain processes motivation and focus. I’ve learned that I don’t thrive in rigid structures, and traditional productivity advice doesn’t always apply to me. Instead, I thrive when I embrace systems that work for my brain—like visual planning tools, reminders, frequent breaks and changing my daily routine, and allowing creative work time. I also have learned that my quick ability and visioning along with being action oriented (even though it means I fail forward quite a bit) is a strength as a business owner.
ADHD isn’t about a lack of effort; it’s about how my brain processes motivation and focus. I’ve learned that I don’t thrive in rigid structures, and traditional productivity advice doesn’t always apply to me. Instead, I thrive when I embrace systems that work for my brain—like visual planning tools, reminders, frequent breaks and changing my daily routine, and allowing creative work time. I also have learned that my quick ability and visioning along with being action oriented (even though it means I fail forward quite a bit) is a strength as a business owner.
2. Passion Drives Me—But Systems Keep Me Sane
Entrepreneurship is actually fabulous for my ADHD because I get to chase ideas, dream and vision big, take creative risks, and my work everyday can look different. I can pivot as needed and build something meaningful while defining success on my terms. But I also need strong systems to prevent chaos. Automated reminders, scheduled deep-work sessions (where I time block and put my phone in another room- game changer for me), and outsourcing tasks I struggle with (like admin work) have been game-changers in growing and streamlining my business. When I invested in my CRM- Dubsado (this link will give you 20% off your first year or month if you want to try it for your business- feel free to ask me anything!) and spent the time adding my scheduling, contracts, emails, and even hired someone to help me with workflows it was an absolute game changer for not only my stress levels but creating a better client experience.
Entrepreneurship is actually fabulous for my ADHD because I get to chase ideas, dream and vision big, take creative risks, and my work everyday can look different. I can pivot as needed and build something meaningful while defining success on my terms. But I also need strong systems to prevent chaos. Automated reminders, scheduled deep-work sessions (where I time block and put my phone in another room- game changer for me), and outsourcing tasks I struggle with (like admin work) have been game-changers in growing and streamlining my business. When I invested in my CRM- Dubsado (this link will give you 20% off your first year or month if you want to try it for your business- feel free to ask me anything!) and spent the time adding my scheduling, contracts, emails, and even hired someone to help me with workflows it was an absolute game changer for not only my stress levels but creating a better client experience.
3. Hyperfocus Can Be A Superpower—When We Can Harness & Direct It
When I’m excited about something, I can get lost in it for hours. I have watched documentaries until 2am without realizing it more times than I can count! Hyperfocus is a gift, but if I don’t set boundaries, I’ll neglect important tasks (like, ya know…. working out, cooking for my family, and sleeping). Learning to schedule breaks and have a schedule has helped me harness hyperfocus without it taking over my life. I also am learning that when I am hyper focused I try to use it to my advantage and do creative tasks that may require out of the box thinking or learning new things.
When I’m excited about something, I can get lost in it for hours. I have watched documentaries until 2am without realizing it more times than I can count! Hyperfocus is a gift, but if I don’t set boundaries, I’ll neglect important tasks (like, ya know…. working out, cooking for my family, and sleeping). Learning to schedule breaks and have a schedule has helped me harness hyperfocus without it taking over my life. I also am learning that when I am hyper focused I try to use it to my advantage and do creative tasks that may require out of the box thinking or learning new things.
4. Rejection Sensitivity Is Real—But I Can Work Through It & Know My Worth Without Waiting For Others To Clap For Me
I used to take criticism so personally, and self-doubt would limit my ability to step out into new brave places in my life and business. Understanding ADHD’s link to rejection sensitivity has helped me separate myself from my work. I love what I do AND it is not the whole of who I am. I remind myself that feedback isn’t always personal—it’s a tool for growth and failure is part of forming that grit needed to up level. And other’s approval or rejection is not a reflection of my value or worth. My goal is to pursue God’s pan for me and that may not always be understood by others- and that is none of my business. Staying in my own lane and remembering God and my small circle of ride or dies in my circle.
I used to take criticism so personally, and self-doubt would limit my ability to step out into new brave places in my life and business. Understanding ADHD’s link to rejection sensitivity has helped me separate myself from my work. I love what I do AND it is not the whole of who I am. I remind myself that feedback isn’t always personal—it’s a tool for growth and failure is part of forming that grit needed to up level. And other’s approval or rejection is not a reflection of my value or worth. My goal is to pursue God’s pan for me and that may not always be understood by others- and that is none of my business. Staying in my own lane and remembering God and my small circle of ride or dies in my circle.
5. Rest & Focusing on Holistic Health Is Productive & Not Optional
I used to think I had to push through exhaustion to be successful. But ADHD burnout is real and it honestly took my diagnosis with MS 6 years ago for me to get serious about caring for myself without caring what others think. As a woman and mom no one will give you permission- you MUST decide that your health and sanity is a priority. We have to be ok and get comfortable with saying no without justifying why. If it is not a “hell yes” let it be a no. You cannot always make everyone happy and it will drain you and as I have shared before I have learned that burn out is often a choice- a series of choices to not value my own needs. Prioritizing healthy eating, being active, and going to therapy has been key for my stress management- it is non-negotiable and I do not feel bad about setting aside the time and money necessary to make that all happen. I’ve learned that rest —whether it’s a midday walk, dance break in your kitchen, coffee with a friend, monthly massages (I love this), journaling, or simply getting away from my screen—is a necessary part of productivity.
I used to think I had to push through exhaustion to be successful. But ADHD burnout is real and it honestly took my diagnosis with MS 6 years ago for me to get serious about caring for myself without caring what others think. As a woman and mom no one will give you permission- you MUST decide that your health and sanity is a priority. We have to be ok and get comfortable with saying no without justifying why. If it is not a “hell yes” let it be a no. You cannot always make everyone happy and it will drain you and as I have shared before I have learned that burn out is often a choice- a series of choices to not value my own needs. Prioritizing healthy eating, being active, and going to therapy has been key for my stress management- it is non-negotiable and I do not feel bad about setting aside the time and money necessary to make that all happen. I’ve learned that rest —whether it’s a midday walk, dance break in your kitchen, coffee with a friend, monthly massages (I love this), journaling, or simply getting away from my screen—is a necessary part of productivity.
Some resources for you:
Books written by women with ADHD:
Podcasts:
And Dr to follow on socials:
Please see a doctor and therapist in your journey- nothing here is meant to be prescriptive- just sharing my personal journey in the hopes that it can encourage others.
Learning I have ADHD as an adult has been both eye-opening and freeing.
I am in my era of embracing this as part of my story but not defining my life.
During my psychological evaluation report time I remember the psychologist telling me “given your testing I want you to actually stop being so hard on yourself for not remembering where your car is parked- based on your testing your brain actually cannot remember where you parked your car but you seemed to have developed systems (I always take pictures to find it) and you are a successful mother and entrepreneur who is balancing a lot.”
I immediately started crying.
It was this huge sense of relief because while I used humor to mask I secretly felt so much shame around what I perceived as these gross deficiencies. He suggested I actually work this through in therapy (and I am currently doing just that) because I need to continue to learn how to appreciate and not have disdain for the way I am created differently.
As I continue to work through learning to live abundantly given this new information about my brain. It’s helped me stop shaming myself for struggling in areas that weren’t designed for my brain and start leaning into the strengths that make me a resilient, creative, and passionate entrepreneur.
Anything resonating or connecting for you?
Cheering you on, Roxanne
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