The reality of learning and embracing failure

Last month I shared how seeing failure as feedback was a perspective shift for me and how it allowed me to keep moving forward because it gives me permission to keep learning and keep trying. Here’s the second part to that shift:  Embracing learning requires also embracing messy attempts and imperfection.

If you are open to trying new things most likely you’ll not be great at them from the start. Greatness and alignment don’t just happen. They require us to try new things and put in hard work, resources, mentorship and learning. Learning is a journey and we have to be ok with learning at our own pace.

It’s so easy to compare ourselves to someone else – be it their skills, success, performance, etc. When we focus on someone else’s journey, we give away our joy and make it harder for ourselves to keep growing.

I get it. I am afraid to put things out there and then be embarrassed when people see it didn’t work. But here’s what’s true for me and for you. That kind of fear and comparison will keep us from trying and experimenting which ultimately keep us from growing.

If you are stuck in inaction, ask yourself if fear is what is holding you back. It is important to know your season of life and if you can handle the vulnerability of healthy risk and open yourself to failure. Often our fear is based around a few scenarios.

Without realizing it, many people hide behind “I just want it to be perfect first” to avoid the discomfort of trying. If you are always just planning out how to take action without taking messy steps, you’re not really taking action. We don’t really know what something is truly like until we actually DO IT and then reflect and edit. You will not develop the perseverance and grit you need to be successful without failing and learning and trying again. An imperfect plan that is acted upon will teach you more than a perfect plan you never implement.

We all care what people think – the important part is identifying whose opinion we should or should not prioritize. I deeply care about what my circle thinks AND I actively work on not caring about what people in the cheap seats think. If they judge me for attempting to build a business and life aligned with me then their opinion is NONE of my business. I heard once that “People’s expectations are not God’s standards” and that brought me freedom. We cannot live to please strangers on the internet. Your chosen circle matters; let everyone else keep their opinions.

I applied for the same grant four times and failed every time. My daughter saw me filming an intro again for the application video and asked, “Why do you keep doing that if you don’t get the grant every time?”

My response: “Every time I go through the process I get better at it, my ideas become more refined and I believe more that this project needs to exist. Even if the grant reviewers do not see it, I see it more and more clearly and I will eventually self-fund this because I believe it needs to exist in the world. It is not for them; this process is allowing me to become better.”

Just like I said in my last email, we have to get comfortable with trying and failing. Failing is nothing more than a learning opportunity if we allow it to be. We can fail and keep moving forward.

Embracing messy imperfection, fear, and all the other things that hold us back is all part of how we change our relationship with failing. Success isn’t black and white and neither is failure. The grey in between can just be feedback. Failing is not failure if you adjust, move forward, and learn. Learning is always positive.

Get comfortable with gaining feedback through grit. I choose to not be afraid to look stupid in the pursuit of being great. Will you join me?

Check out this recent feature in Voyage Raleigh.